Originally Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2005

Ala's Journal Dear Diary Let me kill him diary, let me wring his neck... How many times am I going to have to remind Torvil that Surion isn't like the others, he doesn't learn as quickly. Babies don't have the same sense of depth perception as we do! Don't leave Surion alone on the bed! I told him that! What's he do? he LEAVES SURION ALONE ON THE BED!!!! Damn it all the poor kid could have been hurt worse then he was!!! Torvil is so lucky he wasn't.......... Torvil's Journal Dear Journal, I'm not a good father... Obviously I'm extremely stupid and it shows... I left Surion on the bed and he fell off and got hurt... I'm sure Ala is more than mad at me, and she has all right to be... God I'm soooo stupid... Oh well, what can one expect from me. I am after all an idiot who can't seem to do anything right... Perhaps dad was right before he changed, perhaps I am a worthless addled mistake. I guess it's just not safe to have my son stay with me alone, cause I'm so freaking stupid. I don't know how Ala puts up with me... She'd probably be happier with another male, I bet she would, one who's smarter, more caring. One that would make her happy everyday instead of making her angry and upset. *tears blur a small portion* but then perhaps she'd feel worse... so I won't. I really don't know what to do anymore journal.... I'm trying to do my best and I just keep failing... Gods... I'm such a screw up... I don't know how Ala fell in love with me in the first place... Or how she can trust me at all anymore... Or even have an ounce of faith in me... I don't know what to do anymore... I think... Tomorrow... I'm just going to lie in bed.... Not move... Why should I get up? I just make things worse...